Reading Comprehension
Mark Allen Davis
001
It was a moonless night. Leaves crunched underfoot as two figures crossed the lonely street. They climbed marble steps to an imposing building. An older gentleman in a rumpled gray suit and a brown trench-coat reached for the door. His face was shadowed by a fedora brim, his eyes framed by a diamond mask.
The second was a young boy in a tight-fitting green and black bodysuit with bare arms and legs, green gloves and pixie-style boots. A gymnast or dancer might wear such an outfit, but generally not in the open for fear of being beaten up.
The boy waved a piece of paper. "I don't get it, Grandpa Anarchy," he said. "How did you solve the riddle? I was stumped."
"Well, Kid Enigma," the older man replied, "The first thing I noticed were references to classic Russian authors."
"Yes, I saw that too," said the boy.
The old man tried the door. It was locked. "Second," he said, "Most of it was in iambic pentameter."
The younger man nodded. "Poetry, yes."
Grandpa Anarchy studied the glass door before him. "Third," he said. "I saw that at least two lines made reference to the 4th century China and the teachings of Laozi."
"Taoism."
"Precisely. That's when I knew we were dealing with the Literate Lemur," Grandpa said. "Only that fruitcake goes in for literary mumbo-jumbo crap of that sort."
Kid Enigma slammed his fist into his palm. "Of course! But how...."
"How do I know where he'll strike?" Grandpa asked. He tried the door again. It remained stubbornly locked. "No idea. But twice a year the library has a big book sale -- The Library Family Sale, they call it."
"And that sale happens tomorrow!"
Grandpa nodded. "I learned that from my former sidekick, Whole Grain Kid...."
"May he rest in peace,"
"Yeah, yeah. He was exactly the kind of Nancy-boy who loved reading books. Think we read books in my day? Heck no! We didn't read adventure stories, we lived them!"
Kid Enigma frowned. "So you think the Literate Lemur will strike here?"
"Dang straight," Grandpa replied. "That poetry-spoutin' fool's a sucker for a book sale." He studied the door critically. "The only problem is: how do we get in?"
"Here," Kid Enigma said, producing a backpack and digging into it. "Let me analyze the security mechanism with my crime laptop...."
"Don't bother," Grandpa Anarchy replied, and smashed one gloved fist through the door pane. Shards of glass bounced and skittered across marble.
"I always think better with this," Grandpa said, holding up his fist. "This is the only crime computer I need."
The city library was as dark and quiet as a tomb. The two crime fighters stepped carefully into the cavernous entryway. Every breath, every small scrape sounded loud and sharp.
Maniacal laughter shattered the silence. "Grandpa Anarchy! Once again we meet! Or I should say, we meet physically, if not intellectually. As the proverb goes, 'A thousand cups of wine do not suffice when true friends meet, but half a sentence is too much when there is no meeting of minds.'"
"That's more than half a sentence," muttered Grandpa Anarchy, peering into the gloom.
"You appear to have solved my little riddle," the voice said. "I'm not surprised. You were ever a worthy adversary. But it can't have been easy to deduce that the key lay in reading Doctor Zhivago backwards by moonlight and cross-referencing it with Pasternak's first book of poetry, My Sister Life."
"Quite difficult, I'm sure," Grandpa replied, looking up.
"By moonlight?" Kid Enigma muttered. "No wonder...."
"And the interlocking Taoist parables must have represented a formidable challenge!" the voice said.
"Something like that, yeah," Grandpa replied.
"Actually, those were not so diff..." began Kid Enigma.
"And the crossword puzzle using Egyptian hieroglyphs, with dual meanings for symbolic and phonetic readings? That wasn't too difficult?"
"I'd say it was just about right," said Grandpa.
Kid Enigma frowned. "I was having trouble with 17 down..."
"And you came at Midnight, knowing, as you did, that the very name lemur derives from the Latin lemures, meaning 'spirit of the night' or 'ghost.'"
"Look," Grandpa said, "can we hurry this up? I got a support literacy for kids photo-shoot later on today, and it'd be nice to get a good night's sleep...."
A man dropped from the gloom above to land thirty feet in front of them. He was dressed in a costume of black and white stripes with a long stripped tail. Reflective eyes glittered in the moonlight, framed in a black masked face. He carried a book with him like a Baptist preacher.
"But of course," said the Literate Lemur, bowing. "By now, I'm sure you've deduced my entire plan. As Sir Francis Bacon noted, knowledge is power. Control knowledge, and you control power." He paused to laugh the laugh of the insane. "Ah, but how sad that I am cast as the villain in these meetings, for it is I who want to better the world, and you who oppose me. Truly Socrates said that the only good in the world is knowledge and the only evil is ignorance! You see, I am not the evil one here!" The Lemur laughed, then added, "And thus I clothe my naked villainy / With old odd ends, stol'n forth of holy writ; / And seem a saint, when most I play the devil."
"Less talking, more punching," said Grandpa, cracking his knuckles.
"Ah, yes. As the bard also said, 'Action is eloquence.' In any case, I am being boorish. All of these lovely quotes must fly over your poor sidekick's head."
"Actually, I...." Kid Enigma began.
"Confound it!" Grandpa yelled, springing forward. "You always talk too danged much!"
Kid Enigma followed Grandpa into action. The Literate Lemur raised an eyebrow. The marble floor below their feet irised open. Grandpa Anarchy and his sidekick plunged twenty feet into darkness.
The sides of the pit were as smooth as glass. Water began pouring in. Far above a face peered down.
"Oh my," said the Lemur. "How very disappointing. Are you certain you decoded my message properly? My warning of this pit was the easy part...."
"Dang," Grandpa swore, as the door closed overhead.
FINI
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