Monday, March 20, 2017

Raw Justice

Raw Justice
Mark A Davis

The elevator doors opened, and the cool air and dank, musty smell of the Anarchy cave greeted Grandpa Anarchy.  He stepped into the complex -- not so much a cavern as a large garage located deep beneath the Anarchy mansion.  Here were stored items such as the Anarchy submarine, the Anarchy exoskeleton, and the floatsam and jetsam of a hundred years of fighting crime.  It was a huge collection of junk, although in the last year the place had been cleaned up a bit and most of what was here was now documented in the files of the new Anarchy computer.

Grandpa strode to the computer and paused.  A well-dressed woman was seated here before the computer's giant wall screen.  She had dark hair and held a microphone, and was talking to the image of Annie Two -- who always appeared as a young librarian from the turn of the century -- the 19th century.

Grandpa blinked, and approached.  "Oh, hello, Mr. Anarchy," the woman said, turning to face him.  "My name is Lisa Sakamoto, from the magazine Raw Justice.  I'm here to do an interview...."

"Raw Justice?" Grandpa repeated.  "The magazine about superheroes?  Haven't you guys focused on me enough?  Why, I was on the cover of the very first issue of that magazine!"  He gestured to the wall, where a cover of said magazine was held in an aging frame.

"Indeed," replied Miss Sakamoto.  "That was, of course, in 1954.  As you might imagine we've done a few issues since then...."

"And a lot of them have also featured me!" Grandpa exclaimed.  "You even did a cover story about me last summer!"

"No," said Lisa patiently, "we did a story about the New League of Two-Fisted Justice, with a special focus on the new members -- Circuit Girl, Geothermal Jenny, Girlbot 9000, Sister Fryer, Guy Shadow, and of course Unpossible Girl.  You were, of course, included in the story since you are a member of the League....

"Anyway," added Miss Sakomoto, "I'm not here to interview you.  I'm here to interview your amazing new computer system -- Annie Two."

"That don't make no sense," complained Grandpa.  "Raw Justice focuses on crime fighters.  A computer don't fight crime, it merely provides aid to those of us who do."

"On the contrary, Mr. Anarchy," said Miss Sakamoto, "your new computer system is such a dramatic and dynamic upgrade that it has literally doubled your success rate in capturing villains, and tripled your ability to make the charges against them stick, resulting in more criminals taken off the streets for longer periods of time than at any point in your past.   The fact that Annie has a fully-developed personality and can be interviewed, and that I can  take a picture of her for the front cover, only adds to the reasons why I would want to do a feature on her.  Mind you, I also want to interview her creator, that amazing young girl F8Wasp...."

"Too bad," said Grandpa.  "She's gone -- off galavanting through the dimensions, probably helping out my old friend John Haggard in the dimensional city of Intersect, although for all I know she could have moved on from there to almost anywhere by now."

Miss Sakamoto frowned.  Grandpa added, "But hey!  You can interview my current sidekick!  He's right behind you -- Electrofrog!"

Miss Sakamoto glanced behind her.  There stood a young boy in a ridiculous frog costume of dayglow electric blue.  He raised his hand in a half-hearted wave.  "I do electric shocks," he said.

"I think not," replied Miss Sakomoto,  turning back to Grandpa.  "Perhaps I will interview you, however, Grandpa.  I'd love to get your views on your new computer ally...."

Electrofrog extended his hand to the reporter's back.  Electricity crackled in the air.  Miss Sakamoto was momentarily surrounded by it.  She shook and convulsed, then collapsed to the floor.

"Electrofrog!  What the devil are you doing?" Grandpa exclaimed.  "Just because she didn't want to interview you...."

"Grandpa, he's only doing what I asked him to," replied Annie  Two.  "This woman is your enemy the Rumormongress, who last made an attempt on your life during the 2013 premier of the movie Anarchy Is Forever."

Grandpa's eyes widened.  "Of course!  I remember now!"

"I identified her via facial recognition," said Annie Two, "although honestly, she made it easy -- she even used the same name, and of course, no such person as a Lisa Sakamoto has ever worked for Raw Justice -- that's quite easy to verify.  I'm not sure who she thinks she's dealing with, but she severely underestimated my abilities.  She has, incidentally, been angling for the cover of Raw Villainy for several years now."  Annie's image smirked.  She added, "Tell me, Grandpa, would you consider this actual crime fighting?  Because I would love to do an interview with the actual Raw Justice magazine...."


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