If You're In Berlin

If You're In Berlin...

Mark A Davis
248

The lights were low.  Soft music played.  At a table in the back of a very nice restaurant a young couple was seated.  The man was Paul Smith, but many would recognize him as Kid Anarchy, a famous hero.  The woman was Lucy Brandwein.  He looked unusually sharp but uncomfortable in a black tuxedo, while she wore a long black dress with spagetti straps.  There was a string of pearls around her neck, and a matching bracelet and earrings.

Her lips seemed especially red tonight.  Her hair was in a very pretty coif as well.   These were details that Paul might normally not notice or focus on, but tonight was a special night.  Around them, other couples were also dressed up and enjoying a fine dinner by candlelight.

"Wow, Mr. Smith," Lucy said.  "This place is really nice!"

"Yeah," said Paul.  "All the big wigs and important people dine here.  For Valentine's Day you gotta book months in advance.  Mind you, I don't normally eat at places this posh, but I figured for you, Lucy, on a special day like today...."

"You planned that far ahead?" Lucy replied.  "Are you sure you didn't just call up at the last minute and tell them who you were?"

"What?  No!" exclaimed Paul.  "I would never do that!"

"You really wouldn't, would you?" she said, smiling.  "That's one of the things I like so much about you, Paul.  You're so very earnest."

After a moment she added, "If you'll excuse me, I must visit the little girl's room...."

After she left, Paul breathed out slowly.  He was sweating like a pig in this monkey suit.  For the twentieth time in the last hour, he felt in his pocket for the small, velvet-covered box.  It was still there.  Now, if the rest of the evening went as planned an nothing went wrong....

Gunfire erupted.  People screamed.  A man shouted, "Everybody freeze!  This is a stickup!"

Four young men with masks stood at the restaurant entrance.  One waved a machine gun at the room, having just fired it into the ceiling.  The other three each had a handgun and a burlap sack.  "Now that I have your attention," said the man with the machine gun, "I'd like to say that I hope you're all having a fine Valentine's Day, and if you people remain calm and follow instructions this will all be over quickly.  My associates are going about the room -- we want all jewelry, watches, and wallets or small purses placed within their bags.  And no funny business!  If you folks are smart, nobody needs to get hurt.  Understand?"

Paul Smith sighed.  "Even on Valentine's Day," he muttered under his breath.  "I take one day off to enjoy it with the girl I love, and someone's gotta go and ruin it...."

One thief approached his table.  He shook the bag, waving his gun.  "Watch and wallet, Sir," he said.  "Hurry it up."

"I got what you want right here," Paul replied.  He went to remove his watch, then in one motion stood and slugged the thief in the face.  The gunman stumbled into the table behind him, then to the floor, knocking over dishes and silverware.  Lasagna and wine went flying.

Paul stomped hard on the criminal's gun hand.  The man yelled and released the weapon.  Paul picked it up, stood, and fired.  The thief with the machine gun went down.

People screamed.  One person yelled, "It's Kid Anarchy!"  Paul turned, located another of the thieves, and fired.  At the same time the thief shot at him, but his aim was high.  Kid Anarchy's aim was not.  The thief collapsed, shot in the chest.

"You bastard!"   This exclamation came from behind Paul.  He spun, but a bullet caught him in his right arm.  His gun fell to the carpet.

The last thief aimed his weapon at Paul's face.  "Why'd you have to go an do that?" he screamed.  "Why'd you do that?  Now you're gonna die!"

Blue-black hands grabbed the thief by the wrist and the neck.  The gun fired into the floor.  The thief was lifted overhead and thrown into the back wall, hard.  There was a loud crunch.  The  thief collapsed to the floor, moaning.

The woman who had done this was fearsome looking.  She stood over six feet tall, and had blue-black skin covered with fur.  Curved yellow horns like those of a ram framed her face.  Her eyes were amber and like those of a cat.  She wore a dark red flapper dress, and had just emerged from the ladies room.

"It's Hellfire Lass!" someone exclaimed.  People cried out in terror.

Hellfire Lass looked at Kid Anarchy and shrugged.  "Sorry to ruin your evening," she said.

Kid Anarchy clutched his bleeding arm.  "It wasn't you that ruined it...."

***

Grandpa Anarchy, world's oldest hero, studied the scene below through a pair of binoculars.  He was perched atop a cliff with his current sidekick Electrofrog.  Below them was a dockside warehouse complex.  It was early Saturday morning, and most of the docks were shut down, but at this particular location men were moving boxes out of the warehouse and into a waiting tractor-trailer.

"Even on Valentine's Day," Grandpa muttered.

"Valentine's Day is next Tuesday, Sir," his sidekick Electrofrog said.  Grandpa had told the sidekick to stay low and away from the cliff.  When you wear a frog suit of electric blue, stealth is not your strong suit.

"Yeah, I know," Grandpa replied.  "But those men down there are stealing chocolates the week before.  The week before!  That's really low.  If there's one thing that really grinds my gears, it's people who want to mess up Valentine's Day.  A boy and a girl ought to be able to celebrate Valentine's Day without being interrupted."

"Any two lovers, Sir," said Electrofrog.

"What?"

"I said any two lovers ought to be able to celebrate Valentine's Day.  It doesn't have to just be a boy and a  girl."

"Yes, of course," replied Grandpa.  "That's what I meant."

After a moment, Grandpa added, "You got someone you like, Electrofrog?"

The sidekick seemed startled and nervous -- although under that frog suit it was hard to know for sure.  "I... ah... yeah, I do," he said.

"What's her name?" asked Grandpa.

"Ah... I didn't actually say it was a girl, but...."

"What's his name then?"

"Oh no!  She's a girl!" Electrofrog exclaimed.  "She calls herself the Glass Cannon.  I met her in the sidekicks class... you know, Superhero Sidekicks 101, the one Jay teaches for everyone that joins Temporary Superfriends.  Her name is Alice and she can shoot force beams from her hands."

"The Glass Cannon?" Grandpa asked.  "What kind of a name is that?"

"It's... ah... a gaming term," said Electrofrog.  "It means, you know, all offense, no defense."

"Ah," said Grandpa.  "I see.  So, you doing something for her for Valentine's Day?"

Electrofrog shrugged.  "I got no ideas," he said.

"Come on, Son!" Grandpa exclaimed.  "Don't you know it's Valentine's Day?  You gotta do something for the person you love on Valentine's Day!"

"Well," said Electrofrog, "I was thinking of chocolates or flowers, and dinner and a movie...."

"Good," said Grandpa.  "That sounds good.  Call her right after this and invite her.  Don't forget!"

After a moment of silence, Electrofrog asked, "Did you ever have someone you loved, Grandpa?"

"Once," Grandpa replied.  "Just once."

"And was she a hero too?"

"Nah," said Grandpa.  "She was an ordinary woman."

Suddenly Grandpa pulled out his wallet.  He removed several twenty dollar bills and handed them to his sidekick.  "Treat your girl nice for Valentine's Day," he said.

"Uh... wow," said Electrofrog.  "Thanks, Sir."

"Don't mention it.  And let me give you a piece of advice," said Grandpa.  "Normally I'm not one to offer advice in the matters of love, but if there's one thing I know, it's this:  if you really love someone, really love her, and you're gone  from her for a few years, like for example you're overseas fighting a war or something, just remember this:  when you find yourself in Berlin during the fall of the Third Reich, whatever you do, don't sleep with that beautiful Soviet hero who's been helping you fight the Nazis.  That's never a  good idea!"

"I... I'll keep that in mind," said Electrofrog.

"Good," said Grandpa.  He stood up and cracked his knuckles.  "Now, let's show these buffoons what happens to people who try to mess up Valentine's Day!"

FINI