Time Trip

Time Trip

Mark A Davis

281

"Did I ever tell you of the time Grandpa Anarchy helped found the Grateful Dead?"

All eyes were on Jay Medberry, known as the Electric Bluejay, as he sipped his Gin and Tonic.  Seven heroes were gathered in a bar -- Jay, Dog Is My Copilot, Continuitae, Saturnae, Black Dahlia, You Go Girl, and the bartender who was known only as Walter.  Unlike most this bar had vaulted ceilings with stained glass windows high above.  These depicted scenes out of mythology and fiction -- scenes in which heroes fought foes, always with some aide or sidekick by their side.  Here was Achilles in battle, with Patroclus by his side.  Over there was a scene depicting Sherlock Holmes in conflict with Moriarity, with Doctor Watson in the background.  On the far wall was a fight involving two mice -- the Brain, and his sidekick Pinky.

The bar itself was carved from polished hardwood in the shape of a large banana.  The tap handles were small bananas.  The barstools had legs shaped like bananas, and yellow vinyl banana seats.  The center of the floor was a large banana formed from yellow and brown tiles.  The base of each lamp was a brass banana.  Everything had a banana-y theme to it -- there were even bananas hidden in the stained glass window scenes, despite a general lack of bananas in the tales of Sherlock Holmes or the Epic of Gilgamesh.

"No.  No, you most certainly didn't," said Continuitae, setting up her laptop.  With hands poised over the keyboard she added, "Do continue."

"Woof!" exclaimed Dog Is My Copilot.

"You mean the rock group, I assume?" asked Saturnae.

"Yes," Jay replied.  Although quite old, thanks to the rejuvenating powers of a godlike being Jay appeared to be in his twenties.  He was not an active hero these days, but Jay was dressed in his heroic costume -- an outfit of electric blue, with glider-style wings built into the sides.  They were all dressed in their hero outfits, having just inducted several new members into the secret society earlier that evening.  For this was the hidden tavern of the Eternal Order of the Second Banana, where former sidekicks could gather to relax and discuss.  A large mandala hung on the wall behind the bar -- a round shield decorated with symbols in the center.  Here was the all-seeing eye of Horus, with scales balancing a banana on each side, and a diamond mask depicted just below.  The words written in a circle around this scene were in Latin:  Avete ariera secundus.  Fidelitas.  Ministerium  Consilium Prudens -- loyalty, service, wise counsel, hail the second banana.

You Go Girl was dressed like a combination Greek-Egyptian goddess in a white toga dress with a short hem, dark braided hair, leather sandals tied up to the knees, bracelets of gold inlaid with red stone, armbands, a wide Egyptian-style necklace, and a gold circlet around her forehead with a tyet on the front -- an Egyptian symbol resembling an ankh with the arms curved down, often referred to as the Knot of Isis.  Black Dahlia was dressed in a long black dress with black makeup and several pounds of silver occult jewelry.  Dog Is My Copilot was literally a dog -- a girl with white fur and the head of a dog, in any case.  She wore flight goggles and a red scarf, and had two metal license tags on a chain around her neck -- one a dog's license, the other a pilot's.

Continuitae and Saturnae, meanwhile, resembled extras from a Pretty Soldier Sailor Moon cartoon.  Their outfits consisted of white leotards with short skirts -- dark purple with a stardust pattern for Continuitae, golden brown with a clock face theme for Saturnae.  There were tiaras, bracelets, necklaces, and a plethora of bows, ribbons, and ruffles.

Walter was dressed like a bartender -- a high-class one, in a sharp white shirt with a black vest.  He had brown hair and a closely-cropped beard.  In theory he was also a former sidekick, but no one knew what his hero name had been.

"The year was 1966," said Jay.  "The place was San Francisco -- at that point the epicenter of the burgeoning counter-culture movement...."

"The hippies," said Black Dahlia.

"Yes, that's right, Jay replied.  "I was a young teenager at the time...."

"You were not Grandpa Anarchy's sidekick in 1966," said Continuitae firmly.  "Nor were the Grateful Dead formed in 1966 -- the were around since at least 1965 if I remember correctly."

Jay raised an eyebrow.  "Who's telling this story?" he asked.  "You or me?"

Continuitae sighed.  "I was hoping you'd tell us a true tale, and not one of your shaggy dog stories."

"Bark?" asked Dog Is My Copilot excitedly.

"No, not a story about a shaggy dog," Continuitae added.  The dog girl's ears drooped.  "It's just an euphemism.  Sorry."

"Nobody said I was making things up," Jay replied.  "Don't judge my story until you've actually heard it."

After a moment's silence, he continued.  "As I was saying -- Grandpa Anarchy promised to help a San Francisco-based hero named the Mariachi Mime.  This was a fellow who dressed in a full Mariachi outfit -- charro suit, sombrero, the whole works -- with mime makeup.  He'd pretend to play a Mariachi guitar and mime as if he was singing...."

"And this helped him fight crime?" asked You Go Girl.

"As a matter of fact," said Jay, "he could sometimes charm an individual with his silent songs," said Jay.  "But no -- mostly he did this after he'd successfully arrested a villain.  It was his victory performance.

"At the time, Grandpa's sidekick was a rather interesting young man named Wealthy Wally...."

"Wealthy Wally?" Continuitae asked, eyebrow raised.  "Never heard of him."

Jay frowned at having been interrupted again.  "Not every sidekick Grandpa has had is in your database, you know," he said.  "Some of them were sidekicks for a very short time, and record keeping was very poor before I started up Temporary Superfriends.  In the case of Wealthy Wally, he was a sidekick for exactly two weeks.  I remember this well, because -- well, Wally was extremely rich.  That was his superpower.  He actually didn't even fight or do any of the things a normal sidekick would do -- instead he paid me to do all of that for him.  He gave me $2,000.00 a week, which I thought was a fantastic deal, except that I only ever got two checks, plus a nice severance, I do admit....

"Wally was useful for other things though," Jay continued.  "For example, we took a private charter jet out to San Francisco.

"Now, The Mariachi Mime was after a villain known as the Acid Ant.  This was a guy who robbed banks and even got involved in kidnapping.  He dressed in ant-like armor, and he had a special concoction he'd invented -- a kind of weaponized LSD.  He's spray a room with this stuff, and everyone would instantly trip out.  Made his robberies much easier."

"I've never heard of such a villain," said Continuitae.  "My data base is very thorough...."

"Well, he was a local San Francisco villain only," said Jay.  "As was the hero.  In any case, it took four days, but we finally managed to confront the Acid Ant during a bank robbery.  But things went horribly wrong.  When we entered the bank the Acid Ant started shooting.  The Mariachi Mime was shot in the head -- killed instantly.  I was mortally wounded as well...."

"Mortally wounded?"  You Go Girl raised an eyebrow.

"I died, but I got better," Jay said.  "Grandpa managed to avoid the bullets, but then the Ant flooded the room with his gas.  Grandpa couldn't avoid that."

"So... Grandpa tripped out on LSD?" asked Black Dahlia.

"Oh, he did more than that," said Jay.  "He not only experienced an LSD trip, he travelled back in time."

"Oh, he's always doing that," said Continuitae.  The others nodded in agreement, with Dog Is My Copilot barking assent -- this was one of the most believable parts of the tale so far.

"Our theory," said Jay, "which we came up with afterwards, was that he still had some stray chronons or tachyons or other time-based particles inside him from a recent battle with the Chaldean Chrononaut.

"There's a name I haven't heard in ages," said Continuitae.

"Luckily for us," said Jay, "Grandpa only traveled back a couple of years.  He spent an afternoon in a park talking to caterpillars, but after the hallucinations faded, he realized where and when he was and what this meant -- he had a chance to change history, to save me and the Mariachi Mime.  The Acid Ant had been captured once before, and Grandpa always studies his opponents so he knew the young man's name.  He tracked down the man who was to become the Acid Ant and befriended him.  Turns out the boy was interested in music, so Grandpa convinced him to pursue that -- instead of going down the road of becoming a costumed bank robber.  He even helped him hook up with other local musicians to form a jug band.  Grandpa sat in for a couple of sessions with them -- he's not really musically talented, but he could keep time and play the jug.

"About a week later Grandpa snapped back to the present.  He discovered that his plan had worked -- there was no Acid Ant -- there never had been.  The Mariachi Mime and I were both alive.  As for that young man who Grandpa nudged into music?  He became a successful rock musician.  His name was Bob Weir, and he was a founding member of the Grateful Dead -- along with two other members of that jug band:  Jerry Garcia and Ron "Pigpen" McKernan.

"So that's how Grandpa Anarchy helped found the Grateful Dead."

For a moment the only sound was that of Continuitae's typing.  Finally You Go Girl said, "Well, that's an interesting story, if true...."

"Bark!" Dog Is My Copilot added.

"Don't believe me?" Jay asked.  "Just ask Walter here -- he was there."

The bartender smiled.  "I was indeed," he said.  "In the sixties I was known, for a short time, as Wealthy Wally."

Everyone stared.  Continuitae typed furiously.  "You're not old enough..." Black Dahlia began, before glancing at Jay.  "Well, you could be old enough, I suppose...."

Jay added, "It just goes to show:  a trip in time saves mime."

The typing stopped.  Everyone stared at Jay.  "Jay," said Black Dahlia, "I promise your death will be slow and painful...."

FINI