Thursday, January 5, 2017

Classic Anarchy: Anarchy Is Forever

Anarchy Is Forever
Mark Davis
076

A long black limo pulled up and three beautiful young women stepped out onto the red carpet.  Cameras flashed.  The first of the three wore black -- a long, black evening gown, black opera gloves, black nail polish, black lipstick and eyeliner.  Her hair was long and dark red.  The second woman had black hair and wore a white gown.  The third wore was a beautiful blonde woman dressed in a red evening gown.

Nearby a well-dressed woman with a microphone stood before a camera.  "Good evening!" she said.  "This is Lisa Sakamoto with Tinseltown Insider, at the premier of the new movie Anarchy Is Forever, based on the exploits of our very own Grandpa Anarchy!  This sequel to the 2010 reboot, Anarchy Begins, is already being hailed as perhaps the blockbuster of the Summer.  Guests have begun to arrive.  Leading the way we have the three lovely ladies who make up the Black Moon Maidens, one of the newest superhero groups."  As the three women approached, the reporter stuck her microphone out.  "Black Dahlia!  It's Lisa Sakamoto, Tinseltown Insider.  You were once Grandpa Anarchy's sidekick.  Would you care to comment on his influence on the crime-fighting world?"

The woman in black paused to answer.  "Grandpa has touched the lives of everyone in the superhero world," she said.  "He's been at this since before any of us were born.  Many of us began our careers with him, actually, so I'm quite certain that we're all glad to be former sidekicks of the famous Grandpa Anarchy."

"And glad to not be current sidekicks?"

Black Dahlia frowned.  "That is not a very diplomatic statement, Miss Sakamoto."

"What about the rumor that a villain will attack Grandpa tonight?"

Black Dahlia raised an eyebrow.  "I haven't heard such a rumor, actually," she said, "but it would be an exceedingly bad choice to attempt anything with so many heroes about."

As the three ladies headed inside, Miss Sakamoto turned to a woman dressed in blue and white spandex with a complicated geometric knot design on her chest.  "With me tonight is Kid Continuity," said the reporter, "one of Grandpa's more recent sidekicks and perhaps the world's leading expert on the history of Grandpa Anarchy.  Miss Continuity, I've already spotted Ravella the Traveler and Natural Twenty, both former sidekicks of Grandpa -- oh and look, here's the Archons of Excellence arriving now -- Popeye Khan, Dread to Rights, the Bronze Beach Bum, and their newest member Sun Wukong the Monkey God.  Can you give us some idea of what to expect this evening?"

"Of course, Lisa," said Kid Continuity.  "You're going to see a lot of former sidekicks here -- we invited over 100, which by my count is nearly one out of every eight that have ever worked with Grandpa.  We have a lot of other heroes coming as well -- not just the Black Moon Maidens and the Archons, but also Solar Sister, the Crimson Cyclone, Time's Swift Arrow, and of course we'll see Electric Bluejay, Cyber Granny and Dog Is My Copilot from Temporary Superfriends.  But beyond that, we'll even see some of the villains who've fought Grandpa Anarchy.  The Blood Red Menace, now retired, will be here, along with the Mocha Maniac, Baron Climate Change, and several members of the League of Former Sidekicks, including Double Jester, Sam Solo, and hopefully Kid Calculus."

"Is there any chance we'll see a Sgt. Payback, or perhaps even a Carnival Act?"

"Sgt. Payback is supposed to be dead, so I'd put the odds of him showing up at no more than 20%," said Kid Continuity.  "Carnival Act, of course, is wanted on more than a thousand counts of murder.  It's unlikely he'll show."

"But there is this rumor we've been hearing that some villain will attack Grandpa...."

"I put no faith in it," said Kid Continuity.

A new group of heroes stepped out of a limosine.  "And here we have the other members of the League of Two-Fisted Justice!" Miss Sakamoto exclaimed.  "Unpossible Man, Nina Ballerina, Deep Fat Fryer, and of course, the man who is certainly not their leader, Dark Dr. Dark!"  As the serious bearded man in the black cloak approached, the reporter stuck out her microphone.  "Dark Dr. Dark!  Lisa Sakamoto from Tinseltown Insider.  Can you comment on the rumor that a movie is in pre-production featuring all the members of the League of Two-Fisted Justice?"

The man frowned.  "I'm afraid I have no direct knowledge of these things," he said.  "Certainly my agent has been contacted, but as things stand, the only one of us besides Grandpa to have ever been featured in a movie is Unpossible Man... and that, of course, was rather unsuccessful...."

The seven-foot behemoth known as Unpossible Man waved his cigar about.  "It was a flop, a disaster," he said.  "The guy that played me was a bum."

"He's standing behind you, actually," said Miss Sakamoto.

Unpossible Man glanced about.  "Yep," he said.  "Leroy McMillion.  That's the bum alright."

"One last question," said Miss Sakamoto, turning back to Dark Dr. Dark.  "We've heard a rumor that a villain plans to attack Grandpa tonight...."

"Miss Sakamoto, there are any number of people who wish Mr. Anarchy dead," said Dark Dr. Dark, "however, that any of them would choose this time and place to attack... well, it's utterly laughable."

A very familiar old man stepped out of the next limo.  For once in his life Grandpa Anarchy wore a neatly-pressed black suit, rather than his usual rumpled gray.  The crowd cheered and cameras flashed.  Grandpa stood and waved, then finally made his way up the red carpet.

Lisa Sakamoto shoved her way in front of the other reporters.  "Mr. Anarchy!' she called out.  "Any impressions on Phoenix Burhan, the actor who plays you?"

"If you want my opinion," said Grandpa, "none of these modern namby-pamby actors are tough enough to be me.  Sure, the recent movies have made tons of money, but that's all down to special effects.  The best Grandpa Anarchy was Willy Sampson, hands down."

Miss Sakamoto almost laughed.  "No offense, but movies like Grandpa Anarchy:  Field of Blood  and Grandpa Anarchy:  At the Edge of Madness were low-budget B movies a the very best."

"Yeah, but Willy was a tough guy," said Grandpa.  "He wasn't acting... I mean, he was acting, of course.  But he did his own stunts -- and not just because they couldn't afford a stunt double!  You can't say that don't make him one tough hombre.

"I want to add," said Grandpa, "that Evron Lempel built the Anarchy comic up from nothing, and Theodore Wode drew the the newspaper strip until his death just a few years ago.  Would these movies even exist without those two?  Probably, but it's a shame that no money is going to Lempel's daughters or that boy Terrence Wode."

"But Mr. Anarchy," said Miss Sakamoto, perplexed.  "You were the one who sued to recover all movie rights.  You and that demonic lawyer of yours...."

"Yes, I know," said Grandpa.  "I was just saying it's sad, that's all."

"One last thing," said the reporter.  "There are rumors that a villain plans to attack you at some point tonight.  Care to comment on that?"

"I haven't heard anything," said Grandpa.  "Of course, if one does, I'll punch him in the face.  But with nearly 200 heroes in attendance, I doubt that any villain would attempt anything, Miss Sakamoto."

"Please, call me the Rumormongress," she said.   Green gas spewed from the microphone.  She spun about, microphone extended, spreading gas in all directions.  Everyone within fifteen feet collapsed, including Kid Continuity and Grandpa Anarchy.  A shimmering sword of light appeared in her hand.  She stood over Grandpa Anarchy.  "I do believe," she said, "that you got this one wrong... all of you."

FINI

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