Magical March 10: Guitar Hero

Magical March 10

Guitar Hero

Mark A Davis

321

Lakshmi and Icarus were seated in a dirty booth in a dark, dingy bar.  The former angels and current magical girl guides were in human form -- Icarus dressed as he often was like a young rock star in black leather pants and boots, mirror shades, and a black silk shirt open to the navel, while Lakshmi, was hardly less conspicuous with long pink hair and jeans studded with flashy silver stars and a white crop top.

Seated across from them was a young woman with long black hair, wearing a form-fitted outfit of silver and black.  Beside her was a woman with shoulder-length brown hair, wearing jeans, a red shirt, and a brown leather bomber jacket.

"This woman," said Icarus, "is named F8Wasp.  That's spelled with a number 8, but pronounced Fate Wasp."

"Yes," said Lakshmi, " I am familiar with who she is.  I do follow earth heroes; it's part of my job.  She built the excellent Annie Two A.I. for Grandpa Anarchy, and the equally impressive Virtual Marilyn A.I. for the Archons of Excellence...."

"Indeed!" Icarus exclaimed.  "And this is her companion and partner, Amelia Anne Bloodraven."

Cigarette smoke drifted through the room like fog on an old battlefield.  The bar was long and made of solid oak.  A tall woman with long blonde braids and an eye patch stood behind it.  The bar stools were worn and weathered, with splitting seats, and the upholstery of the booth seats was in similar shape.  Against the far wall was a giant circle of carved metal -- a dimensional gateway with strange symbols at different locations around the outer perimeter, like some alien clock with no hands.  The center was a liquid blue surface, like a wishing well on its side.

There were few others in the bar.  A Minotaur sat in one corner nursing and oversized beer, while a disheveled woman with matted dreadlocks sat on the floor near the door strumming a guitar.

"Good day to you, Miss Bloodraven, Miss F8Wasp," said Lakshmi.  "And yes, we're at a bar called Happy Jacks, run by the friend of Grandpa Anarchy, John Haggard, in the inter-dimensional city of Intersect.  I get all that.  The question is:  why are we here?"

"Because," said Icarus.  "I want to build a robot, so I went to the best A.I. specialist in the world."

"You want to build... a robot?" asked Lakshmi.

"Exactly that," said Icarus.  "A robotic magical girl.  More properly called a gynoid...."

"Don't try to lecture me on language, Dear," said Lakshmi.  "The Statue of Liberty is technically a gynoid, since the term refers to anything that resembles the female human form."

"Yes, but the term was coined by science fiction author Gwyneth Jones specifically to refer to a female robot," said Icarus, "and that's how it's usually understood.  While the term android tends to be used as a generic, non-gender-specific term, in point of fact the Greek prefix andr means man as in a male human...."

"Then you must be aware of the problems associated with the sexualization of gynoids," said Lakshmi.  "They're often a product of man's lust, completely divorced from the concept of women as women.  If you search gynoid on Reddit...."

"Oh for Heaven's Sake, Lakshmi!" Icarus exclaimed.  "I'm creating a robotic magical girl.  Let's not overthink this."

F8Wasp and Miss Bloodraven watched the exchange with bemusement.  F8Wasp held up a hand.  "Um... sorry to interrupt, but I don't do robots," she said.  "Just A.I.'s...."

"Right," said Icarus.  "I was going to have you do the A.I., and I was going to build the robot...."

"Icarus, you know nothing about robotics," said Lakshmi.  "Even if you did, it would take months...."

"I was going to use magic..." Icarus began.

"You were just going to wave your hand and conjure a robotic girl via magic?" Lakshmi asked.  "Really?"

F8Wasp raised her hand again.  "Um... I don't think that would...."

"We're supposed to be working on a musical magical girl, Icarus!" Lakshmi exclaimed.

"Exactly!" Icarus said.  "A musical robotic magical girl.  You know, like Key the Metal Idol...."

"I have no idea who that is," Lakshmi replied.  A holographic computer screen appeared before her.  "She's not in the data base...."

"It's an anime thing," said Icarus.  "Although I'd have thought you were up on anime, being a magical girl guide.  Anyway, that's not important.  She can sing, we can have her play a guitar...."

"Look," said Lakshmi, "if you want a robotic magical girl, then we have a sci fi theme coming up.  But that's not until the 24th...."

F8Wasp raised her hand again.  "I can have a girl robot built," she said.  "I have connections, people who are good at robotics.  As for price... you're angels, right?  You do magic.  I'm sure there are any number of things you could do for me.  We can work out the details later.  But it's going to take a little time, so... the 24th sounds like a reasonable deadline...."

"You can build a robot in less than two weeks?" asked Lakshmi.

"There  are ways to do it, yes," F8Wasp replied.  "You know the old adage:  cheap, fast, good, pick two.  If you want good work done fast, it won't come cheap...."

Icarus sighed.  "I was hoping to get this wrapped up today...."

"No chance," said F8Wasp.  "I am not working on a robot conjured by magic, either."

"Well... okay then," said Icarus.  "But that means we'll need a new plan for a musical magical girl... and we're on a tight schedule...."

"Oh, good grief," said Lakshmi.  "Just find some girl who likes music and transform her into a music-based magical girl.  It's what we're trained to do.  It's not that hard."

"Excuse me."  The guitarist by the door held up her hand.  "Two questions," she said.  "Can I look like a teenage Joan Jett, and do I get a guitar that shoots lasers?"

FINI