Magical March 9: Kiwi Blitz

Magical March 9

Kiwi Blitz

Mark A Davis

320

"It's not that I wouldn't like to be powerful and fight bad guys," said the girl, "but I don't do dresses."

It was late summer in Auckland, New Zealand, and the sun was baking the earth.  Octava and Daesdamona were with a young girl in her back yard, where sparse grass and bare earth sloped down to a flowing stream.  The angel and demon were in their magical girl guide disguises -- that of a white rabbit and a black bat.  Their latest magical girl target was Molly Anderson, fourteen years old and highly opinionated.  She had tanned skin and curly blonde hair, wore shorts and a loose top, and was studying critically the drawing which Daesdamona had provided.

"And this name," she said.  "Beautiful Kiwi Lass?  I don't like it."

"It's... meant to incorporate your actual name," Daesdamona said.  "So it would be something like Beautiful Molly Kiwi Lass, or Beautiful Kiwi Lass Molly.  Four-word names are a magical girl standard."

"I don't like it," Molly repeated.  "It's too gender specific."

A loud splashing came from the stream.  Something very large moved beneath the surface.

Daesdamona frowned.  "You are a girl," she said, "and you would transform into a magical girl...."

"There's all these bows and ruffles and fluttery nonsense," said Molly.  "Too girly for me."

"Magical girls are all about being girly!" Daesdamona exclaimed.  "Some things are just magical girl standards!"

"If I have to be a girly-girl to do this, I'm not interested," the girl said flatly, handing back the pad.  "I don't identify as a girl.  I identify as a boi."

A creature arose from the creek, much larger than anything that could have hidden below the surface.  It resembled a tuatara, a lizard-like beast native to New Zealand with spikes and ridges along its back.  But this one was far too large, and the color of shadows reflected on water at night.

"There it is," said Octava.  "The taniwha.  It looks angry."

"You wish to become a boy?" asked Daesdamona.  "Girls transforming into magical boys is certainly not as common as the other way around, but...."

"Not a boy," said Molly.  "A boi.  With an I.  It's less gender specific."

"I'm so confused," said Daesdamona.  "When did magical girls become this complicated?"

"There's nothing complicated about it!" the girl exclaimed.  "Just ask instead of assume!  I don't mind being a girl, I just object to all of the feminine claptrap that comes with it!"

The ground shook as the giant lizard pulled itself from the water.  It slithered up the hillside,  eyes fixed on the three of them.

"Guys," said Octava, "you might want to hurry things along...."

"Oh!" exclaimed Daesdamona.  "You mean you're a magical tomboy!"

Molly sighed.  "Yes," she said.  "If you must call it that...."

"Okay," said Daesdamona, "I can work with this."  The bat laid the holographic pad on the ground and began to sketch.  "We'll do shorts instead of a skirt," she said, "or maybe a shortall look, with a blouse-y shirt beneath...."  She glanced up at Molly and added, "Keep in mind that even magical boys tend to fall on the feminine end of the spectrum.  It's part of the whole concept -- some things are magical girl standards."  She went back to sketching.  "We'll do socks, and hiking boots in a non-standard color like pastel blue...."

"Pastel green," said Molly.  "Kiwis are green."

"Guys?" Octava asked.  The taniwha was nearly on top of them.

The bat nodded.  "Yes, of course, my mistake."  She studied the drawing a moment.

"Can you do armor?" asked Molly.

Daesdamona frowned.  "I suppose I could," she said.  "Yes, since we're going for a more boyish look, that could work.  Shin guards, those are called greaves I think, and arm guards and pauldrons, those go on the shoulders... heck, a breastplate while we're at it, with a kiwi design in the center...."

"Elfin armor," said the girl.  "Like in Lord of the Rings!"

"I hardly think..." Daesdamona began.

"New Zealand is Middle Earth!" the girl exclaimed.  "Everyone knows that!"

"The bat rolled her eyes.  "Yes, okay, but aren't elves a bit effeminate?  I thought we were avoiding that."

"A male elfin warrior is as feminine as I wish to be," Molly declared.

"Fair enough," Daesdamona replied, sketching furiously.

"Guys?" Octava said.  The fetid breath of the monster was by now inescapable.

"Do I get a sword?" Molly asked.

"Do you want a sword?" asked Daesdamona.

The taniwha scooped the bunny into its mouth.  "She wants a sword!" Octava screamed.  "Give her the cursed sword now!"

"I feel that I should object to all of this collaboration," said Daesdamona.  "It is not normal that a magical girl gets to decide the parameters of her costume and powers.  Anyway, wouldn't a Maori spear be a more appropriate weapon...?"

Her voice trailed off as she glanced up, and saw Octava disappear into the shadow lizard's gullet.  "Right," she said.  "Sword."  She waved a wing and a sword appeared.  It hovered in the air before Molly, bright polished steel and a green hilt, and surrounded by a soft green magical glow.

The taniwha snatched up the bat and swallowed.  Molly blinked.  "Well," she said, "guess it's now or never."

The taniwha laughed, a deep, rumbling sound.  "Foolish child," it rumbled.  "Do you think such a tiny weapon threatens me?  I shall drag you back to my watery home and claim you as my bride...."

Molly grasped the sword and became Magical Warrior Kiwi Boi.  There was, of course, a transformation sequence first -- some things are just magical girl standards.  She was lifted up and spun about.  Her clothing flew away, to be replaced by green shorts, a white blouse, and then silver armor etched with flowery designs -- pauldrons, vambraces, greaves, and breastplate, all decorated along the borders with brown vines with green leaves and kiwi fruit.

The creature reached out with one clawed hand.  Molly landed and swung the sword in the same motion, slicing the taniwha's forearm in two.  The monster screamed and reared back, breathing out a sticky black spray that killed grass and plants.  Molly avoided this and charged in, swinging her sword at the creature's exposed stomach.

The blade sliced deep.  Blood and gore spilled from the wound.  As the creature thrashed about in a death throe, Molly sliced again, piercing the stomach.  Two slime-covered animal guides spilled forth, along with bones, armor and other items.

Molly grinned.  "Now that," she said, "is something I wouldn't want to do in a fancy dress!"

"A fair point," said Octava, scraping goo from his fur.  "But next time, let's not cut things so close, shall we?"

FINI