Magical March 19: Red As Blood

Magical March 19

Red As Blood

Mark A Davis

330

Snow White and Rose Red fought a dwarf and his giant wolf.

Snow White wielded a glowing sword, which clanged and chimed like a bell as it bounced off the dwarf's bright steel armor.  Snow was an African-American girl named Jessica Sumlin, who transformed into Snow White, Warrior Princess.  She wore an outfit with a Disney Snow White color scheme -- short yellow skirt, blue bodice laced up the front, puffed sleeves which were slashed to reveal red beneath.

The dwarf swung a heavy flail -- a giant spiked steel ball on a chain.  Snow barely dodged it as she tumbled backwards.  The black-furred wold snarled and lunged, but was knocked aside by Rose Red's massive axe.  Rose was an Hispanic girl named Raquelle Mendez in an outfit similar to Snow's, but the dress and sleeves were red and the laced bodice was black, as were the petticoats.  There was also a red hood.

"Where did this dwarf come from?" Lakshmi exclaimed.  The guide was in her animal form -- that of a pure white cat.  Beside her was Icarus, a winged tabby cat.  They hid beneath nearby bushes.

"Jackroud Leatherspine's me name," the dwarf exclaimed.  "Capturin' little girls be me game!  Me heart's as black as me beard and the fur o' me trusty companion!"

He swung the flail around, forcing Rose to dodge.  In his off hand he wielded an ax.  He was short -- maybe four feet -- but out-massed the girls by double or triple.  His arms were thickly muscled, and he was clearly a skilled warrior, while the magical girls relied on instinct and magically-enhanced athleticism.

"I've got no idea where this guy came from," said Icarus, "but he's apparently their nemesis...."

"Don'tcha know yer legends?" exclaimed the dwarf.  "Snow White and Rose Red.  I be the enemy they fight!  Only they don't fights me in the legend, o'course, that's the job o' the prince...."

Rose held her ax aloft.  "Rose Red, Warrior Princess, Cleaving Blow of Love!" she called out.  She swung the ax downward, and a wave of energy split the earth, barely missing the dwarf.

The dwarf laughed like a man unhinged.  "Two kin play at that game, me Lassie!" he exclaimed.  "Leatherspine's Attack:  Flail Hail o' Hell!"  He spun the flail about over his head, and tiny blades of energy shot out in all directions.  They pierced and sliced the two magical girls like needles.  Both girls screamed.

Snow White raised her sword.  "Snow White, Warrior Princess, Cage of Ice and Snow!" she called out.  Ice spears dropped from the sky, surrounding the dwarf, forming a cage with bars of white ice.  He sneered and swung his flail, but it bounced off as if the bars were steel.

"Icarus?" Lakshmi called out.  "Care to explain?  This one was your idea...."

"There is a dwarf in the story,' said Icarus.  "See, Snow White and Rose Red are sisters.  Their mother is a poor widow.  Snow White has blonde hair and likes to stay indoors and read, while Rose Red has dark hair and likes to play outside."

The dwarf's beast was several times large than any normal wolf.  It was more warg than wolf.  It lunged and snarled, keeping the girls at bey while the dwarf worked on freeing himself.

"Sounds like a typical fairy tale setup," said Lakshmi.

"It is," said Icarus.  "So late one winter night, a bear begs to come into their cottage and warm up.  They let him in, and take care of him all winter.  He leaves in the spring, but warns of a greedy dwarf who stole his treasure.

"That summer they meet and save the dwarf several times but he's ungrateful.  One day they find the bear with the dwarf, and the dwarf pleads for his life and begs the bear to eat the two girls instead, but the bear kills the dwarf."

"The best fairy tales are full of death!" the dwarf yelled.  "But I got better!"  He cast a spell and his wolf companion grew ten times larger, towering over the two girls.  It shattered the ice cage with one paw.

"If ye wants to defeat me, yer gonna have ta kill me!" the dwarf exclaimed.  Again he spun his flail over his head, shouting, "Leatherspine's Attack:  Flail Hail o' Hell!"  Energy needles shot out, but this time Snow was prepared with a shield of swirling snow which protected both girls.

"Turns out the bear was an enchanted prince," Icarus finished.  "Killing the dwarf broke the spell."

"Well," said Lakshmi.  "it was a talking bear, after all...."

Snow White flew up into the air, sword held over her head.  "Snow White, Warrior Princess, Storm of the Blades!" she called out.  A whirlwind of swords flew at the dwarf, who laughed and batted them out of the air as if they were paper airplanes.

"Yes, but the girls don't do anything," Icarus complained.  "They don't figure out that the bear is enchanted, let alone break the enchantment.  They just happen to be present when the prince frees himself from the enchantment, and he marries one because I don't know why, they were nice to the bear I guess."

"None of which explains our dwarf here...." Lakshmi began.

"Rose Red, Warrior Princess, Mighty Swing of the Woodcutter's Ax!" Rose called out.  She brought the ax around in a wide arc, and the blade seemed to quadruple in size as descended on the over-sized wolf.  The ax cleaved through the beast's neck, severing its head.  Blood flew everywhere.

"Woofgang!  Nooo!" the dwarf exclaimed. 

"Ew!" Lakshmi exclaimed, as the head rolled nearly to her feet.

"I wanted a magical girl that did things," said Icarus.  "Frankly, I'm much more familiar with Rose Red from the comic Fables, by Bill Willingham."

"Never heard of it," Lakshmi replied, still eyeing the dead wolf head.

"Because you don't read comics," said Icarus.  "If they'd turned it into a television series, instead of stealing the idea to create Once Upon A Time... well anyway in Fables, Rose Red is kind of the bad girl to her sister Snow White's good girl.  She parties a lot, gets in trouble, bounces from one relationship to another...."

"I'm the bad girl?" Raquelle asked.

"No, let me finish!" Icarus said.  "She's first and foremost a girl of action.  She kicks butt and takes names.  The point is, I sort of combined two Snow Whites together, and I combined Rose Red with Red Riding Hood, and...."

"And I've got a red hood and I wield an ax," said Red, "and I kick ass!" 

She rose up in a mighty leap, and her ax swung about.  Again she called out the Woodcutter's Ax attack.  Snow attacked at the same time.  The dwarf parried Snow's blade with his own ax, but Rose Red's ax blade smashed through the armor at his neck.  More blood spurted, coating the magical girls in gore.

The dwarf's head rolled down beside that of the wolf.  It looked up at Lakshmi and Icarus and winked.  "Ye didn't think ye were gettin' the fairy tale ending without spilling blood, did ye?"it said.  "More fool you!"

Snow and Red leaned on each other, both breathing heavily.  The dwarf's head was still.  Lakshmi looked ill.  She said, "This is so not how I expect a magical girl battle to go...."

"I get the feeling," said Icarus, "that we're no longer playing by our rules...."

FINI