Magical March 24: Deluxe Model

Magical March 24

Deluxe Model

Mark A Davis

335

The room was dark and vast, populated by dusty machinery, vehicles, and strange mounds that on closer inspection proved to be even dustier cloth-covered machines.  Here was an ancient exoskeleton, there a large circular metal gateway; there was a rusting 1958 AMD Ambassador Station Wagon, and back in one corner of the cavernous space was a disused flying saucer.  Nearby were two human-sized objects covered in drop cloth which was not yet dusty, signalling they were new. The place was quiet, but it was the sort of quiet you got in giantic spaces.  All that could be heard was the hum of some well-maintained computer servers and the lap of water where a submarine was docked.

Two humans appeared.  One second they were not there, the next second, there they were -- young, perhaps in their late teens.  One was a man in a leather biker's jacket, leather boots and jeans, who wore dark glasses; the other was a woman with long pink hair, who wore a jeans mini skirt and a Ramones tee shirt.

The woman looked about the room.  "Is this where we pick up your robotic magical girl?" she asked.  "For the sci fi assignment."

"This is the location I was given," the man replied.  "F8Wasp says that the work is done.  I guess with all of the weird crap happening lately, at least one thing has gone right."

The woman sang, "Science fiction double feature, Dr. X will build a creature...."

Nearby a large wall-mounted computer screen came to life. An image of a woman appeared there -- a young Victorian woman with wire-rimmed glasses, her hair pulled back into a bun.  "Good evening," the woman on the screen said.  "My name is Annie Two, short for Anarchy Computer Mark II.  F8Wasp should be here soon.  I take it you are Icarus and Lakshmi, the two magical girl guides?"

"That's correct," Icarus said.  "Anarchy Computer -- as in Grandpa Anarchy?"

"Indeed," the woman replied.  "This is the Anarchy cave beneath the Anarchy mansion."

Icarus raised an eyebrow, but before he could say more, the dimensional gateway flared to life.  He knew this was what it was, for it was identical to other gateways he had seen -- a circle of some unknown metal, with strange symbols carved into the outer ring, and with a center that was like liquid water, a pool on its side.  There was one like it in Happy Jack's bar in the interdimensional city of Intersect, where they'd first met the heroine and computer genius F8Wasp.

Moments later, F8Wasp stepped through the gateway.  She was a young woman with long black hair, who wore a form-fitted outfit of silver and black.  Right behind her was her companion, Amelia Anne Bloodraven -- an older woman with shoulder-length brown hair in jeans, a red shirt, and a brown leather bomber jacket.

After introductions, F8Wasp said, "Now before I reveal her to you, I just want to make one thing clear.  She's not really female.  She's a robot.  You asked for a robot girl, so I designed her to be streamlined and girlish.  Her hips are wider than her shoulders, but she doesn't have breasts because what are those for on a robot anyway?  She'll answer to feminine pronouns because god knows we all have to use gendered pronouns, at least in certain languages such as English, but it's important to remember that she's a robot.  Robots have no gender, unless we're talking about a sexbot which we most definitely aren't.

"In that way whe's like WALL-E or EVE from Pixar's movie.  People assume that WALL-E is male and EVE is female -- and of course you're meant to do that, it was the intention of the Pixar staff -- but there's literally nothing to suggest that this is actually the case.  WALL-E is more rugged and has an electronic voice pitched slightly lower, EVE is more rounded and smooth and has a slightly higher voice.  That's literally it -- even their names are anagrams of their job descriptions, so it's only coincidence that they resemble names for a boy and a girl. You can describe them as butch and femme, with no gender assigned to either, and it works just as well."

"That's... nice, I guess," said Icarus.  "I just want our magical girl to look like a girl...."

"Yes," said F8Wasp, "and she does of course -- I already said.  It's what you asked for, and as they say the customer is always right."

She pulled the drop cloth from one of the nearby human-sized objects, revealing a beautiful robot, all silver metal and smooth white plastic, with dark gray plastic at the joints.  As F8Wasp had said, there were no breasts, but she was slender and with enough curves in the right places to make her appear feminine.  The face somewhat resembled that of a young girl, though there was no mouth nor nose; the cybernetic eyes were large and glowed green.  Hanging from the head were two long fins that resembled anime twin tails.  There was nothing else to suggest hair, and yet she really did look like a pig-tailed girl.

"Greetings," the robot said.  "My name is Parodi Platinum."

"I named her in honor of the unnamed Maschinenmensch from the movie Metropolis," said F8Wasp.  "That's one of the very first depictions of a gynoid or female robot.  She's been given many names over the years -- Parody, Ultima, Machina, Futura, Robotrix, False Maria, Robot Maria, Roboria, Hel.  Parodi seemed a good name."

"I like it," Icarus said.  "And how are you today, Parodi?"

The girl inclined her head.  "I am well, thank you," she replied.  "You are the one called Icarus?"

"Yes," he replied.  "I'm the one that commissioned you.  Lakshmi and I are magical girl guides, and we were hoping you will assume the role of a magical girl."

"I will certainly do my best," the girl replied.

"Have you considered where Parodi will live, or who will look after her?" asked F8Wasp.  Icarus glanced at Lakshmi.  It was obvious the thought hadn't crossed their minds.

"I... that is... we've been a bit busy," said Lakshmi.

"I thought not," F8Wasp replied.  "A robotic magical girl surely needs a base of operations -- a home, if you will.  She does not have a mother or father per se, so she will need the help of someone who understands who she is and what problems she might face, and who to contact should she need to be repaired.  A simple magical girl guide will not do.  I am no longer based on earth, of course, so I cannot perform this role.

"Therefore I thought to make Grandpa Anarchy's home her base of operations.  He need not be bothered by her presence -- his mansion is large, and she will probably not need a room in any case.  Annie Two, who I created, will serve as an excellent intermediary between me and her.  She should be able to answer most questions that Parodi might have, and can contact me if I am needed.  Although I suspect that most problems that Annie Two has no answer for will involve repair to Parodi's body, and that can be handled by Geothermal Jenny of the League of Two-Fisted Justice, who in fact is the one who built her body."

Icarus and Lakshmi were silent for a moment.  "It Seems," said Icarus, "that you've thought of just about everything...."

Fire flashed.  Smoke rolled across the room, bringing with it the stench of brimstone.  A newcomer had appeared -- a woman with pale skin, curved horns, and long red hair in two braids.  She wore a black Lolita dress with striped tights, black boots with metal spikes, black lipstick and black nail polish.

"Why, Icarus and Lakshmi!" the newcomer exclaimed.  "We meet again, My Darlings!"

Lakshmi sighed.  "Xenagalmok," she said.

"Just Xena will do nicely, Dear," the demoness replied.

"You know I'm not supposed to be around you," said Icarus.

"Certainly, Dear Icarus," Xena said, "But it's hardly my problem.  I have business with F8Wasp, and this is where I was told to meet her!  I had no idea you would be here too, I swear!"  She turned to F8Wasp.  "Is my robot ready, Dear?" she asked.

In answer, F8Wasp removed the drop cloth from the second humanoid shape, revealing a robot nearly identical to Parodi, save that she was black and red, and had small demon's horns on her forehead.

"Her name," said F8Wasp, "is Ultima Platinum."

Xena clapped her hands together.  "She's beautiful, F8Wasp!  Perfect!  My own Dark Robotic Magical Girl!"

 Icarus glared at F8Wasp. "Don't look at me like that, Angel Boy," the heroine said. "Xena contacted me and offered quadruple what you did. It was strictly a business decision."

"And who warned Demon Girl that we were making a gynoid?" asked Icarus.

"Let's just say a little bat told me," said Xena.

"Only Lakshmi, Sita, Octava and Daesdamona knew," said Icarus.

"Ysolde as well," said Lakshmi, "and F8Wasp and Lady Bloodraven of course, and I guess Geothermal Jenny...."

F8Wasp shrugged. "In any case, they're nearly identical. I haven't had the time to develop two different robots! But I warned Xena that the good one was meant to win, so Parodi got all the extras...."

FINI